me and sugie
I’ve made quite a few changes to my life in the last six years. My husband and I left our long time home at the beach and moved across the state to a small town resembling the town I grew up in. I know most people will chuckle at that-I mean we didn’t move to a different state or across country, but trust me, it was a big deal to us. We made the move for quite a few reasons, cost of living being one of the reasons and the others I’ll discuss in this post.
It all started on Thanksgiving 2007 at my amazing baby sister’s annual Thanksgiving dinner. She and her husband had purchased their first home a couple of years before and their home had become our Thanksgiving holiday destination. The location of their home had been decided upon for logical reasons. Her husband was working on his masters degree at Chapel Hill and had found a school to teach at locally. She was working at a large accounting firm in Greensboro. This city was right smack in the middle which made commuting fairly easy for both of them. They had purchased a great home in a quaint, perfect neighborhood…the kind of neighborhood that beckons you to walk everyday and say hello to your neighbors. It was dreamy.
My sister is a Thanksgiving baby and she celebrates it with abandon. She uses every cheesy, decorative, Turkey Day accessory you can imagine. She and her husband open their home and welcome all with big hugs. The invitation is extended to the whole family, but what’s really nice is that it’s also extended to people that may not have a family or home to go to. There’s always at least one new face. I’m in heaven each and every holiday visit. She has been hosting for close to ten years now. We all have our parts to play and dishes to bring, but what stays the same every year is that her husband will be roasting the turkey, she’ll have made a fabulous coffee station with Bailey’s liqueur, and she will have set the table the previous night to perfection. She always makes the place cards by hand. Oh how I love having a sister.
So with all of this in mind, let me tell the story of Thanksgiving 2007. My sister was pregnant with her first child and although our immediate family knew, we didn’t know the sex, nor did they. We all enjoyed our Thanksgiving meal and then they opened the envelope. We all wept with such sincere excitement and love. It didn’t matter what that envelope held inside-none of us would have felt any differently had she read it was a boy. It just became real in that moment for all of us…very real, very fast. There was no Bailey’s or coffee for my sister that year, but the excitement that we shared as a family was legendary. Mom and I cuddled up with my sister after dinner and started our plans for the nursery. My parents would finally have a grandchild. I’ll never forget that day…ever.
The next day as the hubs and I were traveling home, something very odd and wonderful happened. We both had the same thought. It went something like this… “Hey B. I’m going to say something and I’m just curious how it sounds to you. What would you think about moving there?” to which he looked at me astonished and replied… “I was just thinking the same thing.” Two hours later into the drive we had decided that if one of us could find a good job, we’d make the move. I’ll be honest, I still can’t believe how things worked out from that moment on. My husband went through a series of interviews that led to a great, well-deserved position. Christmas morning, one month later, we told my sister and the rest of the family that we were making the move. More tears of happiness ensued.
Since making the move my husband has done great with his career and my sister has had a second child. I’ve found a church community that I love and I’ve found friends like I could have never imagined finding. I find myself referencing the overflowing cup a lot.
Of course, I met my wonderful rescue dog, Mr. Sugarbears, too. He’s the precious angel that I rescued from a shelter a couple of years ago, or as I like to say…he’s the angel that rescued me. Life isn’t what I thought it would be at 42, but that’s not to say that it isn’t wonderful. I pushed through college and received a degree in design. I owned and operated a small store that I loved. I’ve been faithful and truly in love with one man for 22 years. I’m in love with my community, my family and Mr. Sugarbears. I love all 5 of my nieces and nephews but I know that I won’t have children of my own and I’ve found peace with that in my life. I’ll just give more love to the children in my life. It’s tough to grow up. Life isn’t always easy, but sticking with it can bring you so much beauty.
So these days I’m counting my blessings and trying to make sure that I am reciprocating the love I receive from so many. I’ve been searching though for something. I think it’s me. How do I finish my book? How do I make my blog the blog I want it to be? Today I read a wonderful blog post from Foodie Crush. Please see link It was as if this blogger had heard my cries. So often I’ve expressed to my sister and husband that I’m in need of help, but I really don’t know where to turn. There are a bazillion people online that want to teach you how to have more followers, but what if that’s not my goal? My goal is to just be better at blogging and I’d like to work through it on my own. It’s hard to admit you need help. I guess I’m just struggling to find my voice.

14 thoughts on “Struggling To Find My Voice

  1. Wow, that is such a stunning story and I am THRILLED and HONORED that you found any nugget you did in my long diatribe today. You, MrSugarBears, made my day. XO to you and give that mutt of yours a serious kiss.

  2. this was a great post! This is so great that you found the courage to change your life, and I’m glad it is working for you! And as far as the blog is concerned – remember that you are doing it first of all for yourself. Yes, we tend to look at the numbers as the measure of success – but the best things in life are not measured in numbers… When you happy with what you created, that is what counts.
    By the way – I just can’t help myself not to notice – this blog post would be a perfect entry for this month’s Wine Writing Challenge, which has the theme of “Serendipity”…

  3. This post made me equal parts proud, happy and melancholy. I am so happy you are my big sister. I will always look up to you and be grateful to you. You have your gifts and I’m so glad you are really starting to share them with more people than just me.

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