Yesterday marked 8 months since my amazing dad passed away unexpectedly. I still ache deeply with this loss. There has been so much to do and mom is still very fragile. Thank God I have a sister that rocks. We have made a great team. We do make a great team.
I have a “sort of” checklist in my head and as one more thing is taken care of, either by myself or my rock star sister, I check it off mentally and I breathe a little more fluidly. (My accountant sister actually created a spreadsheet a few weeks ago). That’s how much is going on.
We are all still overwhelmed with emotion and with our seemingly never-ending to-do list. I still long to run away and hide often, but it would not be fair, so I keep trucking on. I don’t feel strong, but I do feel loved.
Every Easter weekend of my life, my family has gathered at the family cottage. As children my cousins and I would search for hidden eggs and consume extraordinary amounts of candy. We didn’t really think about the true meaning of Easter in those days. It was all about the candy and the fellowship.
Last weekend was Easter. It was the first time mom had been since he passed away. It was the first Easter that I would not hear my dad tell me he loved me. We opened our minds to new beginnings while we struggled watching the pain on our mom’s face. Closure can be harder than you imagine. It seemed to break mom further down, but we had to do it. If you love someone, you have to honor their wishes and not your wants. Dad’s wishes were to be there, so we took him. As the ashes were released, my heart healed some. I’d like to think he is home now.